Win-Win
5 essentials for negotiation success
By Daniel Shapiro, Ph.D., and Tiffany Washburn

When you think of negotiation, what comes to mind? A battle of wills? A shouting match between you and your spouse? These are common images of negotiation, and certainly cause for anxiety. But your negotiations don’t need to be that way. You can get what you want and build a better relationship. At the Harvard Negotiation Project, we’ve developed negotiation tools to help you along the way.

In our newest book, Beyond Reason: Using Emotions, we offer advice on dealing with the emotional dimension of negotiation. Emotions are critical to your negotiation success. Rather than trying to get rid of them, which is impossible, you can draw on them as a source of negotiating power. In particular, stimulating positive emotions can be extremely helpful. Positive emotions set the tone for cooperative work, even around tough issues.

Our research has identifi ed five “core concerns” that can help you stimulate
positive emotions as you negotiate.

Express appreciation. Try a little experiment. The next time you get into an argument, don’t express your own perspective until you feel that the other side truly feels heard, understood, and valued for their perspective. If they feel
appreciated, they will be much more likely to listen to you. And you’ll end up with a better agreement for everyone.

Build affiliation. Most people see negotiation as adversarial. Our advice: Don’t be one of those people! Walk into the negotiation and set a collegial tone. Treat the other person as a partner, and they’ll start to act like a partner. Ask their advice. Find areas of common interest. All of these actions will help the two of you work through your differences amicably—and in a way that maximizes mutual gains.

Respect autonomy. We all have a gut reaction when someone imposes a decision on us. If you come to work on Monday morning and discover that you’ve lost your office, you’ll feel upset. Why? Because you weren’t a part of a decision making process that had a big impact on you. You automatically felt impinged upon. And in a negotiation, a failure to consult with others can be deadly. Our simple advice is ACBD: Always Consult Before Deciding.

Acknowledge Status. Imagine five people negotiating around a table. Four are men. One is a woman. And no one is giving the woman any attention, despite the fact that her organizational rank is equivalent to that of the others. This is the challenge of status. How should she interact in this situation? Our big advice is to respect everyone’s status where deserved, and to make sure that yours is also respected. (It is a worthwhile exercise to consider what the woman at the table might say or do to help others respect her status.)

Shape a Fulfilling Role. Everyone likes to have a fulfilling role, whether as a manager or a parent. As you negotiate, what can you do to make your role more fulfilling? How might your skills and talents be used for everyone’s benefit?

Before your next negotiation or difficult conversation, prepare. In addition to doing
your homework about the substance— such as finding out industry standards for
your salary—think about how you can stimulate helpful emotions. How might you
express appreciation of the other person? If things get tense, might you build affiliation by recognizing that there is a shared problem between you?

Wars have been fought over issues of autonomy. Relationships have fallen apart
because people feel unappreciated. It doesn’t take long to realize that ignoring
the elephant of emotions doesn’t make it go away. But fighting the elephant doesn’t help either. Taking the time to apply the five core concerns will enhance your success in just about any negotiation.

For more ideas to enhance your negotiations, see Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate by Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro. www.beyond-reason.net.

Daniel Shapiro, Ph.D., is on faculty at Harvard Law School and Harvard Medical
School, director of the Harvard International Negotiation Initiative (INI), and co-author, with Roger Fisher, of the bestseller, Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate. Tiffany Washburn is on staff at the Harvard Negotiation Project and INI, and an enthusiastic negotiator-in-training.

As seen in the
Spring 2007 issue of PBWC Connections

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Daniel & Tiffany's 1 Minute of Wisdom

Express appreciation.

Build affiliation.

Respect autonomy.

Use the ACBD approach.

Acknowledge status.

Shape a fulfilling role.

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